Jeff has decided to kick himself in the nuts*

* Jeff does not have nuts. This is a metaphor. Jeff doesn't know what a metaphor is. Jeff also doesn't really know what Brexit is, much like the most of Hull, Cleethorpes, Dudley and Scunthorpe.

Jeff is playing 'Where's Boris?'

Jeff is fed up. Jeff has been playing  Where's Boris? This is just like Where's  Wally? but you have to look in ditches not for stripy hats. Jeff hasn't found Boris. Jeff thinks this game is rubbish.

Jeff has been doing some Maths

Jeff likes Maths. Jeff has been doing some sums. Jeff is confused. How does this work says Jeff? Jeff thinks W.T.F.

Jeff for PM

Jeff has heard that someone called 'Bojo' wants to be PM. Jeff thinks Bojo is a total arse. Jeff thinks he could do a better job as PM. Jeff has some strong and stable policies, unlike Bojo. Jeff  says all squirrels will be deported. The squirrels are coming over here and stealing our British nuts. Jeff has no nuts. Jeff wants his nuts back! Vote Jeff for PM.

Get Well Soon Kyp

Jeff's friend Kyp has hurt his paw. Poor old Kyp. Jeff is sad. Get well soon Kyp!

Jeff Digs Holes

Jeff has been digging in the garden. Jeff likes digging holes. Jeff is digging for squirrels. Jeff has not found any squirrels. Jeff is sad.

Jeff likes Star Wars*

Jeff is a big Star Wars fan. Jeff is a scruffy nerf herder. Jeff speaks fluent Wookie. Jeff likes crispy ewok for tea. Jeff likes to dress up as Princess Leia. Jeff looks like Jar Jar Binks with hair. May the Fourth be with you Jeff.
* only the original films, not that new rubbish.

On May 2nd...

Where have the Squirrels gone Jeff?

Jeff  loves the smell of squirrel in the morning. Jeff likes to chase squirrels. The squirrels always disappear. Jeff thinks they are hiding underground in tunnels, just like the VC. Jeff does not look up. 

Jeff's Bed

Jeff has a bed. Jeff is fed up with Blue Monkey and Quacky Duck pinching his bed. Jeff has a new sign. Jeff's sign says that nobody can pinch his bed. That means you, Blue Monkey!

Burping Jeff

Jeff has many habits. Jeff has discovered a disgusting new one. Jeff likes to burp. Jeff is very pleased with his new burping.

DJ Jeff Drops the Beats

Jeff was an international jet setting acid house club DJ until someone stole his DJ name. Now Jeff is available for weddings, children's parties and Xmas discos. Spin that **** DJ Jeff.

Jeff is not the Fresh Prince

Jeff likes to have a sniff before he has a wee. Jeff likes to have a scratch after having a poo. Jeff likes to Sniff n' Wee and he likes to Scratch n' Poo. Unfortunately, Jeff does not Shake n' Vac to get the freshness back.

Jeff has an 'E' in it.

Jeff is back from his dog holiday at Auntie Briony's. Auntie Briony has been giving Jeff tasty treats. Jeff's favourite treat is a round biscuit made by Irish Raver...sorry, Irish Rover. Auntie Briony calls them discos. We know what they really are, don't we Jeff? 

Jeff is Royalty

Jeff is on holiday with Auntie Briony. Jeff is being treated like royalty. Jeff thinks he's a superstar. Get a grip Jeff!

Jeff enjoys a good Farage

Jeff has been looking words up in his dictionary:

Foraging is searching for wild food resources. It affects an animal's fitness because it plays an important role in an animal's ability to survive and reproduce. Foraging theory is a branch of behavioural ecology that studies the foraging behaviour of animals in response to the environment where the animal lives. 

Jeff doesn't know what this means. He thought he was looking up Faraging. Jeff enjoys a good Farage. When he's finished, we pick it up with a plastic bag and put it in the bin.

Blimey Jeff!

Jeff is not a stinky dog but Jeff sometimes has stinky ponky toxic dog breath. Jeff really isn't that bothered. Blimey Jeff!

Jeff does not like Wendy Ball

Jeff knows what he likes. Jeff likes rugby but Jeff does not like wendy ball. Jeff is a very sensible dog. Good boy Jeff!

Jeff does not like Dog Sausage

Today Jeff is taking the dog sausage scratch and sniff challenge. Jeff does not like dog sausage. No one likes Andouille. But can Jeff tell the difference? There's no way out of this one Jeff. 

This is Blue Monkey

Jeff has a toy. It is Blue Monkey. Blue Monkey likes larging it to progressive trance club anthems and old skool acid house techno. Jeff prefers Drum and Base.

Jeff has Two Leads

John Prescott had two Jags. Jeff has two leads. Jeff gets the zoomies and likes to run off. This is why he has two leads. Jeff thinks David Cameron should have two leads as well.

Who is Jeff?

Jeff is known by many different names. Jeffie. Jeffster. Jefferoony. Jeffy Baby. Jeffers. Jeffo. Jeffa Cakes. Jeff thinks this is all very puerile.

This is a beach. Where's Jeff?

This is a lovely beach in Brittany. Jeff is not on the beach. This is because of Brexit. Jeff does not like Brexit.

Jeff likes Auntie Briony

 

Jeff is staying with Auntie Briony. Auntie Briony is from Wales. Jeff isn't sure where Wales is but he likes Auntie Briony a lot. Auntie Briony likes daffodils, harps and rugby. Jeff is confused.

Who Killed Quacky Duck?

Jeff has a toy. It is Quacky Duck. Quacky Duck had an 'accident'. No one knows what happened to Quacky Duck. Jeff does not know what happened to Quacky Duck. Jeff will crack eventually.

Jeff is International

Jeff has friends from lots of countries. Jeff is Romanian. Kyp is from Cyprus. Tirion is from Wales. Gilbert is from England. Luckily they are all fluent in dog.

Jeff does not like Brexit

Jeff is from Romania. Jeff is an immigrant. Jeff is wanted in the UK by his family. Just like the other immigrants from European countries. Jeff does not like Brexit. Jeff can't go on holiday with his family because no one knows what's going on. Jeff thinks W.T.F.

Gilbert likes Jeff

The role of Gilbert is played by an actor.

Gilbert is Jeff's friend. Gilbert likes Jeff. Gilbert really likes Jeff. Jeff is cool with that. Jeff likes Gilbert too. But not like that.

Jeff likes Squirrels

This is a Squirrel. Jeff likes Squirrels. Squirrels are a bit like Ewoks. Jeff has never met an Ewok but he would probably like them too. Jeff is probably rebel scum.

Jeff does not like cats

This is a cat. Jeff does not like cats. If Jeff was OO7, the cat would be an evil mastermind who lives in a hollowed out volcano secret base. 

Welcome to the blog of Jeff the Dog

My name is Jeff. This is my blog. I am on holiday with my best friends Tirion and Kyp.